This Thanksgiving, a place at Irena’s table at new York was empty this year.
Irena and her husband chose not to share the vacation with her brother, a fan of Donald Trump.
“I couldn’t stand the thought of him gloating about Trump winning at the table,” Irena said. They decided to avoid “the verbal pyrotechnics that would ensue when my husband fought back.”
As the holiday season gathers pace, millions of families across the United States will have to decide how to tactfully handle disagreements at family gatherings, after a divisive political year and a bruising presidential election campaign.
The elections divided Americans in two: November 5Trump received 77.3 million votes, or 49.9% of the popular vote, while Kamala Harris obtained 75 million votes, or 48.4%. And according to a 2023 Pew survey, 61% of Americans say political conversations with people they disagree with are “stressful and frustrating.”
Irena and her husband opted for a “delayed get-together” this week – with just her mother-in-law and two close friends – where the conversation would be less irritating.
Other families plan to adopt “no politics, no religion” rules during the festivities.
The extended family of Ann, a 55-year-old accountant in Pennsylvania, “was told that if they started discussing politics, my family would leave their festivities,” she said, because she and her relatives relatives are the only Democrats among an expanded group. brood of Trump supporters Republicans. They have been operating on the basis of an agreement without political discussion since 2016.
But at Thanksgiving This year, the conversation began to shift to politics and Trump, she said, “and I grabbed my coat.” Realizing Ann was serious, her sister changed the topic of discussion so Ann stayed. “Religion and politics, we no longer discuss,” she said.
Ann said her brother fell down a rabbit hole and was posting prolifically on Truth Social. “It’s sad, he and I were very close, but I don’t know who he is anymore and he doesn’t talk to any of us.”
One in five Democrats say Trump supporters are “the enemy,” while 16% of Republicans say Harris supporters are “the enemy” — as opposed to “fellow Americans they don’t agree with.” agreement politically,” according to an October study. New York Times and Siena College investigation found.
For Hector, a 22-year-old Californian who supports Trump, his family is divided between conservatives and liberals.
Recently, some visiting parents were “lamenting Trump’s victory like it was the end of the world,” he said. He didn’t like it when they said things like “the shot should have landed”, referring to a assassination attempt on the former president in July.
The meeting got “heated,” Hector said — he criticized what he saw as “the wokeness ingrained in them” — so they turned the conversation to other topics.
Chet, a 67-year-old man living in Massachusetts, finds it increasingly difficult to establish common ground with his parents.
“The problem with talking about politics in the family is a question of information – or lack of information,” Chet said. His close Trump supporters, he said, tend to repeat sound bites “gleaned from Fox News” but, in discussions, don’t speak very clearly about the actions or deeper motivations of Republican politicians. . “It’s infuriating.”
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They now avoid political speeches. This led to a lack of connection between Chet and his brother. “I have such a hard time seeing their point of view, even though I love them as a family,” he said.
“I see the love and care they have for each other – and for me too – even as impending global catastrophes darken the skies,” Chet said, but it has had “a chilling effect on our openness to each other.
As Helen grew up, in a family of Eisenhower-style Republicans, an explosive political argument led her uncle to stay away. Christmas time for years. Her aunt therefore established a rule without politics or religion.
“Trying to keep my late father under control became more difficult as he got older,” said Helen from Tennessee. His tactic to defuse the situation? “I started telling him that his late mother wouldn’t approve.”
For some families, irreconcilable differences in values and opinions have completely torn loved ones apart.
Rita, 66, living in Ohio, remembers a more harmonious time before Trump’s 2016 campaign, when “we could get together for the holidays without worrying about political outbursts or anything.” This became more difficult during Trump’s first term, she said, and completely impossible after the attack on the Capitol on January 6, 2021.
“Now we are totally divided and some of us don’t talk to each other anymore,” she said. “There is such a difference in what we stand for as it is about not wasting time with loved ones who cannot respect the rule of no politics in meetings.”
This year on Christmas Day, Rita will be home with only her husband and will see other relatives and friends on other days – members of her chosen family of like-minded people.
But the loss of brotherly bonds always causes him great sadness. “I never thought I would see the day when family would no longer be a part of my life,” she said. “But things keep getting to the point where you realize I can’t be there, it’s so overwhelming.”