- Shayla Smith is the COO of a Hollywood law firm, where brusque corporate speeches are par for the course.
- She realized she needed to take a more nuanced approach to communication at home.
- Her experience in retail helped her hone her communication techniques, she says.
This essay as told is based on a conversation with Shayla SmithChief Operating Officer of Lichter Grossman Nichols Feldman Rogal Shikora & Clark, Inc. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I have always had a firm but fair relationship communication style. I don’t calm down: I am who I am because everyone is taken. It has served me well professionally. While I began my career in retail at Target, I quickly moved into senior operational roles, first in wealth management and then in law firms.
At work, I am goal-oriented. Whether I’m recruiting new talent, helping a client have the best possible experience, or working with one of my firm’s many managing partners, I operate with confidence and mastery. It helped me go far in my career.
And yet, recently, I realized that it was keeps me at home. It took a comment from my husband to help me realize that I needed to establish a clear separation between being a leader in the workplace and being a leader at home. I was used to giving directions all day at work, so I found it natural to take the same approach at home. Unfortunately, this has often hit my husband and sons, ages 9 and 7, the wrong way.
Now I focus on delivery, not just content
Professionally, I focus on results. I can be brief, I say something once and expect the team to act on it. After my husband pointed out that I was using business speech and delivery with him, I adjusted my communication at home. I began to think about not only what I wanted to convey, but also how I wanted to convey it.
I stay true to myself but I tone it down
I will always have a strong communication style. Luckily, my husband is super level-headed and balanced. I started thinking about toning down my sharp communication. I imagine it like a switch: at work I can let my bulb shine at full power, but at home, on relaxed evenings, it’s sometimes nice to flick this dimmer switch and turn down the intensity a little.
I’m intentional with my words
My husband is a first responder with a busy schedule during the night, while I have an equally busy schedule in the corporate world. Sometimes our communication needs to be brief and to the point because we are very busy.
Even in those moments, I’m careful about the words I use. Saying “I wish…” or “It would be nice if…” helps my husband know that I’m coming from a place of caring and understanding, even when I’m direct. In turn, this helps him better receive what I need to say, so we both win.
We create a relaxing environment at home
Since we both have such demanding jobswe intentionally create a calm, relaxing environment at home that is distinctly different from the chaos of the outside world. Physically, we create a very different environment, working together to choose calming colors and decor for the walls. We may talk about work in the car, but we try not to talk about it at home because we want to protect our space.
There Are Business Communication Lessons I Want Boys to Know
Although I have changed my communication style with my family, there are aspects of business communication that I want my sons to know. I always remind them to speak loudly and clearly, to look the person they are speaking with in the eyes, and to speak with conviction. They know I will only say things once and I expect them to pay attention.
Ultimately, I hope they understand that people may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel. I learned this while working Black Fridays at Target while juggling angry guests, overwhelmed workers, and lots of small crises. Although a Hollywood law firm may look different than this, customer service and good communication are essential at all levels, whether with family, colleagues or clients.