Dear for love and money,
I am a direct person. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. This approach has always worked for me. Even when my honesty upsets people, at least they know where they are with me.
Except with my husband’s family. He and I had a Swirling romance And married within six months of the meeting. I have no regrets, and every day I learn to know my husband, the better I feel about my choice. He is respectful, considerate, always presents himself for his people and loves me. What could I want more?
So far, his parents have been the only problem. I think they want, but they are very passive-aggressive. We have already faced more in the short period of time than I knew them with anyone in all my life.
They pay for a family vacation This summer, and already speak in circles of what they pay and how meals will work. I don’t want to go. Their communication style makes me itch. I can’t imagine the supporter for a consecutive week with a smile, especially since they pay for everything. My husband wants to go there, however, and I would do everything to make him happy. How can I survive this trip?
Sincerely,
Right shooter
Dear right shooter,
I found that the only way to effectively communicate With people who refuse to be honest and direct on their feelings, their plans and their desires, it is to take everything they say as the truth of the Gospel and hold them. We generally recognize when a person speaks around something or expect you to read the subtext – or even worse, read their minds – but that does not do our responsibility. If two people speak both the same language, the burden to be understood is on the communicator; The only work of the other is to listen.
This does not guarantee that there will be no bad communication and conflict. However, this will give you something solid to work – in addition, a plausible denial if things happen to the south. And I hope that if your in-laws are held on their word long enough and often enough, they will adjust their communication styles to reflect this.
I doubt that this change will occur in time to family vacationHowever, then use the trip as an opportunity to try a small voluntary shell for size. For example, if they spent the whole week singing the praises of a seafood restaurant in particular, they say they want to “take you”, but when the bill arrives, they say “I suppose we Pay for your dinner Also, “just smile and say” thank you “.
Of course, the difficulty with passive-aggressive people is that they will often not share essential information such as preferences or plans. Maybe they don’t want to do something that excites you and ignore your consensus attempts in the hope of taking the clue. In cases like these, you cannot take them because they offer no words. As a newcomer to the family, I strongly recommend that you hold back and let your husband press the problem.
Families find it difficult to change the status quo, and new family members arriving in a swirling romance are certainly no exception. So that this person immediately begins to move the dynamics of his family far from their passive passive-aggressive communication tradition will probably make them exasperate. This does not mean that you should not do it, but go slowly, and let their beloved son take the heat for it.
I also recommend that you and your new husband Plan your own trip For another period. Spend a vacation that I must assume will be misditousSince planners do not know how to communicate, will be much easier if you have another trip suitable for your interests, energy levels and planning styles already on books.
Finally, take advantage of this free vacation with a good attitude. If you spend all the time looking for examples of the passive assault of your parents-in-law, that’s all you will have to live. As boring as people like that can be, it’s just a bad style of communication. None of us like to be judged by our worst features. I am sure that your new parents -in -law have all kinds of buyout qualities – they have raised at least one of them in your dream guy. So make good impression by ignoring the nonsense, letting your husband manage the details and focusing on their good games. Especially this type that they have raised.
Raising for you,
For love and money
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