Just days before the 2024 presidential election, Carolyn Fisher and her husband listened to their 16-year-old nonbinary child announce, “I want to die, Mom. »
Their child, cell phone in hand, was on a call with a counselor from the LGBTQ hotline. With tears in his eyes, Fisher’s child explained, as his parents listened, that he had joined an online group of LGBTQ children who planned to commit suicide if former President Donald Trump won the election.
The Trump campaign – which said it would “end left-wing gender madness” in schools, healthcare, sports and restrict anti-discrimination policies – was criticized for its rhetoric against gender non-conforming people.
“I feel like I was a bad mother because I was one of those people,” Fisher, a conservative Trump supporter, said, recalling that she laughed during a pro-Trump television ad who claimed “Kamala is for them. Trump is for you. Looking back, she remembers her child walking out of the room.
The LGBTQ crisis line Rainbow Youth Project said it receives an increase in calls during the holidays.
ABC News Photo Illustration by Dani Grandison, Adobe Stock
Fisher says she has long maintained that her child wears the clothes and hairstyle he prefers — even though their extended family members have openly disapproved or ridiculed her child’s choices at holiday get-togethers.
Last year, during the holidays, his child chose to stay home alone: “He said he didn’t feel well, but that was a lie. He has since told us that he just didn’t want to put us through that,” Fisher said.
But after her child expressed a desire to kill himself, Fisher said it was a wake-up call for their family. Since then, they have spent hours discussing gender, politics, and their child’s experiences in order to build a stronger family support system and protect their child from hate.
This year, the Fishers are maintaining a strict holiday guest list: Only those who support their child’s identity are welcome in their home, Fisher says.
“It’s not because he was suicidal. It’s because he deserves it. He doesn’t deserve to be ostracized from our family,” she said.
Fisher said she was criticized by family members who told her she was letting her child “dictate” not to invite or visit certain family members.
“And I’m not ashamed to sit here and tell you my exact words: ‘You’re absolutely right, my child means a lot to me. I love my child so much,'” Fisher said.
The holidays can be a difficult time for members of the LGBTQ community who don’t have accepting family to return home to or for those who can expect to face criticism head-on at the dinner table. As anti-LGBTQ rhetoric grows nationally, it adds painful pressure to what can be an already stressful season.
The Rainbow Youth Project, the LGBTQ helpline that Fisher credits with saving her child’s life, told ABC News that calls to the crisis center increase during the holiday season — and every year there are had more calls than the previous one.
The holidays can be a difficult time for members of the LGBTQ community as anti-LGBTQ sentiment grows across the country.
ABC News Photo Illustration by Dani Grandison, Adobe Stock
“It’s really important that (callers) know that there is help,” Teegan Mauter, a member of the Rainbow Youth Project’s transgender action committee, said in an interview. “There are people here who see them, who want to help them, who want nothing from them, but for them to exist and to be happy.”
The Fisher family is one of many families dealing with unacceptable loved ones and community members this season.
Kenny Dunn, an Ohio father, told ABC News he cut people out of his life because of the misinformation, lies and offensive things they said about his daughter Melissa, 17 years old, who came out as lesbian in February.
Her extended family has since made it clear that her parents “shouldn’t bring the lesbian” to family events – saying they were concerned “that the fact that Melissa is a lesbian might rub off on one of the other children,” Dunn said. Another family member falsely claimed that Melissa would eventually want to become transgender, that it was a slippery slope.
Sexual orientation and gender identity are not a choice, according to the CDC.
This holiday season, the Dunn family leaves their hometown and goes on vacation.
“Last Christmas This was the last Christmas we will spend with extended family,” Dunn said.
“If their ignorance and lack of education about how this actually works is so bad that they can’t accept my child, or if they want to talk bad about my child, I don’t need to them in my life,” Dunn said. “And it took me a while to get there.”
Melissa told ABC News that it was difficult for her to feel like she was the cause of inter-family arguments, saying she had fallen into a “really dark place” amid the arguments and fighting.
But his father intervened: “It’s not your fault. It’s their fault. It’s their ignorance. And that’s something we’re not going to tolerate.
As these two families deal with the aftermath, they all recognize how lucky they are to be a source of support for their child.
Fisher said her child has online friends across the country who will be alone during the holidays, some who are no longer allowed to live at home with their families because they are part of the LGBTQ community.
For the Dunns, their home had become a place where those who didn’t fit in found support. The recent death by suicide of Melissa’s close friend — who they believe was gay and not accepted by his own family — has exacerbated the pain they feel this season.
Families say they’re standing up for their LGBTQ kids this season.
ABC News Photo Illustration by Dani Grandison, Adobe Stock
“I don’t know what it’s like to be a gay man, but I know what it’s like to sit in your truck in your driveway, reliving in your mind all the memories of that kid who came to your house to hang out. refuge and as sanctuary,” Dunn said. “And I just vowed that, even though I don’t understand it, I was going to be that sanctuary for my own child, my own children and any other child in the neighborhood who is going through this situation.”
Still, it has been a learning process for both families. Dunn and Fisher said they had many questions to ask their child at first.
Dunn said he had to let go of the idea that he had to be “authoritarian” over his children’s lives.
“Sometimes we just need to sit back and let them drive the car for a minute,” Dunn said. “And of course we have to be the guardrails, but we just have to let them drive the car for a minute and try to explore and find out who they are.”
He said Melissa knew who she was from a young age: “We’re really doing ourselves an injustice by not honoring the beauty that they are brave, bold and have the courage to be different and not let no one telling them they are that can’t be the case.”
For Fisher, she said that to be an ally to her child, she has to trust him in who he says he is: “I would much rather go through this and make sure that I love my child for who he is.” really think.” are, than trying to love them for something I want them to be and not feel like they are.”
Hotlines like the Rainbow Youth Project — a source used by both the Fishers and the Dunns — hope to be a tool for LGBTQ residents, their families and community members struggling with similar questions.
During this stressful time, Melissa is asking people to be kind.
“It doesn’t take anything more to leave me alone and let me live my life,” she said. “I don’t need another parent or a stranger to tell me I’m wrong. It doesn’t take anything to be nice and kind, and we’re already going through a lot of pain.”
If you are having suicidal thoughts or worried about a friend or loved one, call or text Suicide. & Crisis Lifeline on 988 for free and confidential emotional support 24 hours a day, seven days a week.