Decades ago, John Glover, a lawyer, then at the beginning of the thirties, with a woman and two children, was standing in a banking lobby trying to understand how he could stretch his account to cover its expenses. Planning is looming. He wanted to make a check, write it and worry about having the money in the account later.
“There was simply no money,” said Glover, who was released alone to build a law firm, but who had trouble with self -problems and became an entrepreneur. “It was a dark period. I haven’t seen a way out, “he said.
Glover focused on what he thought was the most important problem: how to spend next month, financially. His panicked spirit turned to the accidental life insurance policy that he had by the state bar.
“And I thought, well, it would be a solution,” he said.
He would need, he thought, to make his death look like an accident. Then his family would obtain money from life insurance, which would solve the problem.
The amount of payment: only $ 5,000. In the vision of the tunnel of his crisis, this meager quantity seemed to be the answer.
Thought has passed and he did not take this route. Mr. Glover and his family lost their house because of foreclosure, and he and his wife divorced a few years later. But he lived through it.
For many indebted people, a feeling of despair can lead them to consider taking drastic measures. Although committing suicide is often the result of a combination of risk factors, such as mood disorders or access to fatal means, stress factors such as financial crises can tip the scales towards an attempt . A study have found that the experience of debt or a financial crisis increased the probability of a suicide attempt by 58%. But other options are always available.
“It is important to remember that although there is generally no cause for an individual’s suicide, financial stress can play a role contributing to many people,” said Sarah Brummett, director of the committee Executive of the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention, an audience -private partner.
“The point of knowing when the stress factors, including finances, reach a crisis point is really self-defined,” she said.
On the advice of a friend, after his moment of suicidal thought in the bank’s hall, Glover began to write whenever he spent money. For the moment, he had planned to commit suicide, he said, his financial number had seemed insurmountably severe.
Once he started following concrete numbers with better records, however, “the ultimate truth was that they were not,” he said. “There is always a way out.”
He added: “It was therefore the start for me, to see the possibility instead of the impossibility of money.”
For some people deep in debt, bankruptcy can offer a second chance. Glover got involved with anonymous debtors. The community, he said, was “an immediate shame, because you understand that you are not the only person to have this problem”.
There, he met Karen McCall, who had also felt ashamed and desperate for payment waves due to the dates over her. She was just starting a business, MoneyTo help others in financial crises.
“My very first meeting I went to, I felt so embarrassed for these people who were speaking openly money,” said McCall. “During this hour and a half meeting, it sort of broken my denial, and this charming Irish looked at me and said to me:” I am so happy that you are here. “And then the waterworks started.”
Among the factors that could contribute to someone’s contemplation by contemplating suicide in financial difficulty, “denial is 1,” she said.
“It is this secret, it is this fear, it is this shame. Secret is a way to protect yourself from the exhibition, ”said Ms. McCall. “They think: if they don’t see that on me, then I’m sort of safe. And it’s the opposite. These secrets will absolutely kill them. »»
Later, a psychiatrist referred him a client for financial coaching, doctor and father respected for two children from higher education. He had been intercepted while considering taking his life so that his life insurance can pay for the rest of their studies. All the evidence of his financial ruin were hidden in his office.
“I saw the depths of despair and the despair that people feel,” said Ms. McCall.
One of the first actions she suggests to a person in financial difficulty is to look at the figures, where a person is right at the time, sorting both what money is necessary for the week and what is the size of the debt or loss. Ms. McCall said that she had seen people in crisis completely change their faces once they went from the fear of a cataclysm collected with concrete figures.
“So often, when people do not know the real facts of their situation, they may not know exactly what they owe,” she said. “They may not know what their options are.” She added: “They feel better knowing. The figures are therefore super, super important. »»
Now a married couple, Mr. Glover, 74, and Ms. McCall, 81, have spent most of the last two years traveling Europe.
“When we met, it was a total impossibility of thinking of something like that,” she said. “To deal with money problems, whether sub -revenue, excessive expenses, no matter – it is worth it. It can really change life.
Meet again
Ambus Hunter considered himself someone who was good with money. Then a trip to Las Vegas presented it with roulette. Over time, his game has done a problematic game and, in a month, he lost about $ 10,000. At 25, it was about his life savings.
“I really felt like I didn’t know who I was,” said Hunter. “It is a very weight and tripping feeling to lose an idea of yourself.”
His mind has shrunk to the most important thing: recovering money. He proposed intense but ephemeral ideas of illegal patterns.
“And I also had very intense and ephemeral moments of, well, and if you get out of here, ending everything, in the form of, unfortunately: how would it be to commit suicide?” He said.
He said he had been able to push these thoughts and do the calculation. He realized that if he spent essentially and worked two parallel jobs, he could rebuild his savings in five months. He got rid of his cable, his internet at home and his social life. And he obtained a job as a mystery buyer and the brand’s ambassador.
At the age of 30, Hunter said, he had built his wealth at $ 200,000, and he became a financial advisor for problem players. Today 38 years old and living in Baltimore, he said that experience has informed his perspectives and his relationships with money in a positive way, and he was able to use it to help others. He said that he considered a factor as essential to pass through: Auto-Pardon.
“It is horrible to feel as if you have made a decision that has not only put you in a financial challenge but also people you love,” said Hunter. “I think you are forgiving for decisions is an excellent first step. I don’t think these other things come before you get forgiveness for yourself. »»
Get mental health assistance
Michelle Singletary, author of “What to do with your money when the crisis strikes: a survival guide“Said the care of deep debt people could not be about the figures.
“We have to normalize mental health,” she said. “We normalize taking care of your body, but we must normalize the management of your mind. I think that the more we can normalize this, the more people who, hopefully, will get help. »»
Free mental health services may be available through a employer employee assistance program or through other resources. Anyone can call or send an SMS 988 to talk to someone to the national Suicide and life crisis.
Ms. Singletary said that the element that surprised her most during the research and writing of her book was that people tend to be silent about their financial problems, echoing that Mrs. McCall said.
No matter your salary, said Singletary. People can have financial trouble, what their income is. She compared the feeling to be in a hole you dug.
“When you are in the hole, it’s just you and the walls,” she said. “And it’s the same with the financial crisis: it’s just you and debt and loss of work or the loss of your investments. That’s all you see in this hole, because you are there by yourself.
Talking with someone, she said, can help change your point of view.
“If you have someone else in there, they may be able to put your hands down and you can go into their hands and get out of the hole, or you can reach and find someone,” said declared Ms. Singletary. “Do not try to go rider alone.”
If you have suicide thoughts, call or send an SMS 988 to reach 988 suicide and crisis lifeline or go to Speakingofsuicide.com/resources For a list of additional resources.