A reader wonders if she should tell her friend that she feels tried for how she lives.
Dear Abby: I met an acquaintance a few months ago during a brief work situation. We have established a friendship (or at least I thought) and had lunch or dinner together several times. She recently divorced and has a fantasy house, a lot of expensive clothes, handbags and a mega-cher vehicle, which her ex paid.
I now had the distinct impression that she judges me for my modest house, etc., which I paid for myself, while putting my son through exemplary schools on my modest income. I don’t think I’m wrong about it. It is a combination of small things, like not to publish our outings on social networks as it does with other friends, for example, as well as to come only when it suits her.
At this point, I hardly even want a relationship with her because she seems superficial. If and when it happens, how should I politely refuse? Or would it be wrong to say what I feel in class?
– Incompatible in Texas
Dear incompatible: I cannot think in any polite way of telling people that their values are moved and superficial. The woman is unlikely to change them on this late date. A polished way of refusing would be to tell him that you are not available. If she presses you more, tell her that you don’t think you are both compatible.
Dear Abby: I have been married for 17 years and we have had our ups and downs. Lately, I noticed that my husband no longer wanted to make trips together. He went on a week’s vacation with his sisters shortly after being operated on, and he made another week trip to visit them and his nieces and nephews. When I told him about it, his apologies went from “it will be too crowded” to “it is too much money”.
This morning, I put my foot. I said I am leaving for a weekend, and he can come with me or stay behind. He got angry. I work at home, long hours and I didn’t have a break in almost a year. I’m starting to get fed up with her attitude and reluctance to travel with me. Am I wrong to want a weekend far from my home?
– Get out of the city
Dear released: not in my book. You deserve to know the reason for the change of attitude of your husband, what I suspect has much to do with the fact that it is too crowded. Could there be any money problems you don’t know? If not, you and my husband need one or two honest conversations on what can be bad. If he is not to come, it may be time to call on an authorized wedding and family therapist to help you communicate better. In the meantime, take this trip.