LOUISVILLE, Ky. (WDRB) — Roger Angell, a hero of mine, longtime fiction editor and sports writer for The New Yorker magazine, used to write a column he called “Greetings” just before on New Year’s Eve. This fits well with the literary and humorous roots of the magazine.
This cheap imitation would not. Still, I like to think that Angell would not have hesitated to keep his tradition alive. He died in 2022 at the age of 101. So with apologies, my attempt at a 2024 end-of-year poem.
The rhymes are loose and the meter is bad. These fancy new web pages can’t handle single-spaced copy, or verse breaks or indentations. Never mind. My heart, if not my keyboard, was in the right place.
Greetings sports fans, ‘on the Web,
Or in the app-osphere instead,
To all readers of this site
During this specific Silent Night
I take advantage of this break to share a verse
To those for better or for worse
Who brewed the sports drink in these parts
Or at least, stirred our sports hearts.
End of year greetings, Kenny Payne,
Your two-year mandate fell through,
Your love and your fight encompassed everything
But unfortunately, you are still chasing dreams.
Goodbye, John Calipari too,
All I can say is “Woo, Pig, Soo!”
And marvel at your rapid disappearance
Once Gohlke’s three fell from the sky.
We finally learned that you are mortal
When everyone received the gift of the portal.
I would miss this Christmas,
Not to mention NIL.
And give thanks on behalf of all nations
For a roster-wide rejuvenation.
We are waiting for the players’ matches,
Whether or not we know their names.
Welcome now to Kelsey, Pat
You’ll find a way to skin a cat,
Even though Kentucky has found new hope,
From a man they call Mark Pope
I toast and put on a tuxedo,
To a rivalry devoid of ego,
If not the end of pure and simple hatred,
One thing I would like to repeal.
A loving Christmas to Mystik Dan,
To Ken McPeek, to everything that ran
At Churchill Downs, from the turf to the manor,
And navigated the runway expansion.
To Bob Baffert, ban now lifted
Welcome back and Christmas present
The end of years of disappointment,
But this time, please forgo the ointment.
Best wishes also to Scheffler, Scottie.
You will not be on the Naughty list.
Neither will you find under your tree,
A Valhalla crime.
Congratulations to the winner Xander Schauffele,
Decorate Jeff Walz with holly branches.
To Mark Stoops we raise a cup,
And I hope everything goes well.
For Busboom Kelly’s superb season,
Our wish for good health comes too late,
But neither Santa Claus nor the reindeer
Can bring a gift that surpasses DeBeer,
Neither Scott nor Luper, Charity,
Nor the resilience of volleyball.
No ship, but this mission accomplished:
A Final Four Christmas tradition.
For Y. Nuguse, Olympic Bronze.
For R. Pitino, of St. John’s,
A return to Big Blue Madness
I woke up the gloom of pre-season.
For Curt Cignetti of Indiana
Take out the bubbles and confetti.
So baffled by these frugal verses,
That’s what I do. You can Google.
Jeff Brohm gave a gift of love.
He brought home the Governor’s Cup.
It’s late, the end is near,
So this reflection of the year,
I just need one thing before I’m done,
A big thank you to all of you,
From every fanbase, city and creed,
Who always clicks, watches and reads,
Whatever your temperature or mood,
Without all of you, I would definitely be screwed.
Merry Christmas to all of you,
And a happy new year too.
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