I grew up in a vibrant, spirited family, shaped by the unique bond my parents shared as doctors and business leaders. Despite their political differences – my mother, a proud Democrat, and my father, a staunch Republican – they found common ground in their shared passions for healing and entrepreneurship. Our dinner table often became a lively debate stage, where discussions of government policies were served alongside mashed potatoes. The conversations were anything but boring, and although sparks often flew, they always ended in laughter, reminding me that love transcends even the most passionate differences.
Fast forward to now – what we’re seeing in this political climate seems a lot less forgiving. The stakes seem higher, the divisions deeper, and the laughter around the table harder to come by. As a psychotherapist and someone who continues to navigate the complexities of a politically diverse family system, I have seen how polarization can strain relationships. But I also know that it doesn’t have to be this way. With a little intention and effort, families can come together despite their differences.
Here’s how to stop politics from ruining your vacation.
Set limits before meals
One of the most effective ways to prevent political tension is to set boundaries before anyone takes a seat at the table. Setting your boundaries doesn’t have to be a formal announcement, but rather an informal message, like a group text. An example text could be: “I’m looking forward to the holidays! Let’s focus on food, gratitude and each other – no politics at the table this year. It’s a simple way to set the tone and allow everyone to change direction.
If you are the host, consider setting an example by steering conversations in neutral and inclusive directions. As tempting as it may be to launch a sly political attack (especially if Uncle Joe shows up in his favorite campaign hat), resist the urge. Remember: Boundaries are not about controlling others; it’s about creating an environment where everyone feels safe and respected.
Practice empathy
Empathy can seem like a daunting challenge when someone’s opinions conflict with yours, but it’s also a powerful tool for diffusing tension. Instead of focusing on the disagreement, try to understand the emotion or value that motivates the other person’s point of view. Maybe their opinion on an issue comes from fear, frustration, or a desire to protect their community.
Empathy doesn’t mean you have to agree; it means you are willing to listen and see the humanity behind their beliefs. This approach can turn a heated exchange into a meaningful conversation – or help you disengage gracefully when the conversation isn’t productive. And if finding empathy seems impossible, take a moment to ask yourself why you’re engaging in the first place and how you can better meet your own needs. Sometimes the most compassionate act is to step away to take care of yourself.
Use humor (wisely)
Humor was the glue that held my family together when the debates got heated. A well-placed joke can diffuse tension, redirect a conversation, or simply remind everyone that we’re all human. For example, if someone insists on discussing a controversial topic, you might respond, “Are you sure we wouldn’t be better off debating which cake is better?” Because I’m Team Pecan all the way. That said, humor works best when it’s light and inclusive, not sarcastic or pointed. The goal is to lighten the mood, not to escalate or minimize the situation.
Focus on shared values
One of the biggest traps families fall into is focusing on their differences rather than their commonalities. Although you may disagree on politics, it’s likely that you share many of the same values: love of family, concern for the future, and desire to connect. Redirect conversations toward these shared values whenever possible. For example, instead of discussing politics, talk about your broader hopes for your community or the world. If someone shares a story about a political issue they care about, try to connect with the underlying emotion or concern, even if you disagree on the details.
Know when to walk away
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a conversation takes a turn for the worst. In times like these, it’s okay to walk away, both literally and figuratively. Excuse yourself to grab a drink, help in the kitchen, or watch the kids. Taking a physical break can give you time to regroup and avoid escalating situations.
If walking away isn’t an option, try pivoting the conversation with a neutral phrase like, “I understand what you’re saying, but I’d like to hear about (insert safe topic)!” It’s not about avoiding difficult topics forever, but recognizing when a holiday meal isn’t the right time for them.
Remember the Big Picture
Ultimately, vacation is about connection. It’s a time to celebrate what unites us, not what divides us. If a conversation veers off course, take a moment to think about what really matters: the people at the table. When I think back to those heated debates at the dinner table of my childhood, I don’t remember who “won” or what exact arguments were made. What I remember is laughter, love and the unwavering feeling that family came first.
In these polarized times, it’s easy to feel like the distance between us is insurmountable. However, families can be left with some empathy, humor, and intentionality. The holidays are an opportunity to practice exactly that and prove that connection is still possible, even in the most divided times.
So this year, try to focus on the party, not the friction. Pass the sauce, share a laugh and let politics take a back seat – at least until dessert!
