- I have three daughters; My eldest daughter went to university in August.
- I am not quite an empty nest, but the house is different without it.
- Here’s how I manage the transition and how I include my youngest girls in the process.
When my eldest daughter I left for the university Last August, I felt all the emotions against which the articles warned me: pride, sadness, excitement and confusion. But nothing that I read mentions what you feel when you have a not quite empty nest. Our house is no longer full, but it is far from being empty. This intermediate state constitutes its own unique transition.
From 2010 to 2020, my three daughters Share a room and formed an indissoluble link. When the pandemic started, my elder moved into his own room below, which allowed him a little more independence – a change that suggested what life could look like when it would go. We joked it, we worried about it, but we especially ignored reality. And then, all of a sudden, it was there.
While we were preparing to send it, I read a lot about empty nests – How to face, what to expect – but nothing about the dynamics because of having children still at home. How to support them in their adaptation to this new phase? Thanks to tests and errors, I learned some strategies to facilitate the transition.
We include them in the process
For us, it meant to create space – literally and emotionally. My youngest immediately claimed the room on the ground floor, delighted to finally have its own space. I hesitated. I read that when a The child leaves for the universitySome parents leave their room intact for at least a year, offering them a familiar refuge where to return home. But my elder agreed with that, and keeping the empty room didn’t make sense to us.
Including the two youngest in the decisions concerning the room of their sister helped them to feel independent during a period of change. They needed to know that life was evolving for them too, and did not only revolve around the absence of their sister.
We honor their fraternal link
The most difficult for my two youngest girls has been to miss the deposit. They were both at school and devastated to miss the latter goodbye. After my husband and me transferred it to its dormitory About three hours by road, we returned after a few days in a quieter house. To alleviate the strangeness, we went to the cinema. Unwittingly, I chose a tearful, which allowed us to cry together in the dark without having to explain it.
Later at night, I found the two young girls in the process of facing their sister and his roommate, laughing as if nothing had happened. Their link was intact, even with physical distance.
I also accelerated offer a phone to my youngest of several months to be able to stay in touch with his sisters. Encouraging regular recordings and shared group discussions has contributed to maintaining their solid relationship. For them, it is not only a question of the move of a sister; It is a change in their daily life. It is important to keep these links intact.
We balance evolving spaces with familiarity
Navigating in the space left behind was delicate. My second daughter was delighted to have her own room for the first time, but she was not delighted to keep another twin bed in the biggest room for that of her sister. Home visits. At first, it caused tensions: why should she sacrifice her new space?
I explained that the bed symbolized something bigger: it doesn’t matter where life led its sister, there would always be room for it here. Once she understood this, she accepted it. This also prepared her for her possible departure, knowing that she would always have a place to return.
Even if it is important to let the children at home grow in new spaces, keep even a small corner or a small shelf for the child who left sends a powerful message: the house is always his House.
We create new traditions
OUR Family dinners are quieter Now, and I sometimes put too many places per habit. I still find myself waiting for my elder, to remind me that we deposited it at university several months ago.
To adapt, we started new rituals. A weekly cinema evening when everyone chooses a film or a new television series to watch together has become a favorite. These little traditions give us something to hope for and strengthen our links as a smaller group.
We embrace the moments “not quite empty”
I still count children during family events, frantically looking for my third daughter. This phase is strange: not completely empty, but not quite full. But I learned to accept it.
It is a transition filled with opportunities to connect new ways. Soon we will send the next one. For the moment, I cherish these moments with my not quite empty nest and the balance between holding up and letting go.
When my elder returns home, she will always have her place here, both in her new role and in the family she has helped to shape.