Dear Eric: My husband who was active and social, fell into a funk. It has been happening for some time. He sits all day and watches television or is on his computer. I think he is also an alcoholic. He will pour a drink in the morning and drink all day. And without reason, his attitude changes – shout for no reason and call me names. I retired a year and a half ago and since then I became a housewife who does almost everything. He will not look for help. I spoke with an advisor to keep myself “healthy”. All advice would be useful.
– tired of being enjoyed
Dear tired: It is good that you were talking to an advisor. Your husband’s struggle with alcohol and her mood can also bring you down. It is likely that this is already happening.
Work with your advisor and / or a confidence friend or a loved one on a plan to put a certain distance between what is happening with your husband and yourself. This should not be divorce or separation, if it is not something that you are ready to consider at the moment. But for your peace of mind, your quality of life and your safety, it will help you be out of the orbit of his behavior influenced by alcohol.
You shouldn’t have to do everything around the house if you don’t want to. And it is unacceptable for him to shout you or call you names. It is emotional violence. One of the reasons why it is important to set up a plan is that you can be protected from these abuses and any climbing of its behavior.
Please also examine groups like Al-Anon or Smart Family Recovery, which can help you sail in this life arrangement and the hard feelings you manage.
Once you have a plan in place, tell him that this situation is not acceptable to you, a certain number of things must change and that if he does not ask for help, you cannot continue as you have done. It may be useful to have a friend or a loved one with you for this conversation.
You are in a dangerous situation and your husband has already refused to solve the root problem. So you have to do what you can protect yourself and help him help himself.
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