My wife and I are longtime friends with another couple whose political opinions differ from mine. I disagree with the woman from time to time on certain questions, and she with me – but always respectfully. Before the presidential election, I told him that I did not plan to vote because I could not support any of the candidates. She had a negative reaction to this and told me that, in the future, we must avoid political discussions if we want to remain friends. I found her statement independently – as if she could be friends only with people who agree with her, and I should be careful not to express a different political opinion. Is it an acceptable basic rule for friendship?
Friend
Every day now – and often, every hour – I am faced with a reminder of what it is a period of division in American life. (It’s depressing – and exhausting.) And worse, I started to lose the faith that we are going to talk about our waste. Most of the people I know seem to be do with being convinced. You must surely have noticed something in this direction.
So I am largely sympathetic with your friend. Rather than engaging in prolonged and unnecessary arguments, or compromising a longtime friendship, she suggested a border to reduce her aggravation during her leisure. It does not seem to make her opinions on you. In fact, it seems quite or even – not at all.
Now, if you bother you, you can make an argument for a continuous political debate. But frankly, if you were not motivated to vote by the very different opinions adopted by the candidates last year, knowing that one of them had to win, it seems fallacious to pretend that you cannot cross a dinner without having ringing politics. Find another subject! Your friend tries to preserve her tranquility and your friendship. I respect it for that.
Feel out of the image
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We have a teenage girl. Unfortunately, her two parents died long before we meet. His sister hangs on a big family photo 30 years ago above his coat: he understands my husband’s ex-wife and the ex-brother, and he does not include me or our daughter. When I mentioned the huge photo to my husband, he said that their parents were there, which is why his sister hung on it. But why can’t she find a different photo? Is it just that I am upset?
MARRY
My father died when I was young and my mother died when I was older, and the losses are deeply affecting me to date. (Maybe your parents are still alive?) I find it hard to understand your point of view: you seem to say that your distress having occasionally seeing a photo that understands your husband’s ex-wife, or perhaps the one who excludes you, and your daughter, prevails over her own house. I would drop this problem; It makes you look deaf.
The gift is reflected, but the twinning too
I am a huge wine geek! I always have a lot at hand and I love to organize dinners where I can cook for friends and share my wine with them. The problem: some people offer to bring wine, although I have already chosen the special bottles that I want to serve. It is stuck to refuse their offer, and it also seems to be stuck not to serve the wine they bring. Advice?
Tim
Big question-and the one I frequently receive: do good manners force you to serve the wine that guests bring? I say no. Their wine is only a host gift: a sign of thanks for your hospitality. It would be rude to reject their offers in advance and useless to redirect them. It is not a potluck. Let them bring what they like.
My suggestion: thank them for wine, add it to your collection and continue your evening as planned. When you serve the wine you intended to serve, say: “I’m delighted that you are trying it, but I can open the bottle you have brought if you prefer?” In all my life, no one has ever taken this offer to me.
An erroneous case (potentially)
My child received an invitation to the birthday party of a classmate. I mentioned it to a friend who also has a child in class, but she knew nothing about it. When I checked the e-vite list, everyone in class was invited except for my friend’s son. And a boy from another class, with the same rare first name as him, was also invited. I suspect it was a mistake. Can I ask the host if I can bring my friend’s child?
MOM
Normally, I stay far from the guest lists of others. None of my things! But I agree that it was probably a mistake – and if you can help save a boy’s feelings, why not? Call the host and say: “I spoke with the mother of Bartleby of the class, and she had not received an invitation to your party. I’m sorry if I was talking out of turn!” This gives the host the opportunity to repair things – and allows you to stay outside of them.
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