The next time you drive your son or daughter to their game, and you see them absorbed by their phone, Larissa Mills wants you to remember something.
“The brain takes 22 minutes to return to refocusing,” she told USA Today Sports. “We have wasted a round, a period, half on the bad decision -making skills. So why did you disturb? Do not even go on the ice as far as I am concerned. “”
We focus so much on the preparation of our children to play thanks to incessant practice and personal training outside the team. But do we underestimate the power to develop what is inside?
Mills directs London, Ontario, Mental game academy. She holds diplomas in sociology, psychology and education. She is also the mother of three children who extracted the mental side of thousands of young athletes at professional levels in the United States and Canada.
And she has kept an eye on you.
“Our children are on a phone from four to eight to 12 hours a day,” she said. “When do they learn from their psychological skills? They are not, and the parents are on their phone for four at nine o’clock a day. So when do parents connect? When do children learn their self-identity? When do they learn to face and not get angry and caress people?
“I just looked at a hockey father get off the ice and hit two referees, children, 14 years old. And I just saw a fight in an arena two weeks ago. »»
The Mental Game Academy helps athletes to develop an emotional and social conscience while making us understand how much we have in this process.
“Telephones are a problem,” she said. “Parents do not teach mental skills is the other problem.”
The “mental game” can give an advantage to anyone, regardless of your age or sports level. In some cases, it can propel you to the heights of collegial and professional success. For young athletes, it can unlock your full potential.
“People say children have changed,” says Mills. “No, children have not changed. We have lowered our standards. Thank that when we reduce behavioral problems, we increase the level of performance. »»
It offers five ways to help our kids develop a powerful psychological game:
‘Dopamine makes us framed’
Create telephone routines to help calm our nervous system and make us confident.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that acts as a chemical messenger between nerve cells and the rest of your brain. According to the Cleveland Clinic, High quantities of dopamine are released thanks to experiences that your body finds pleasant. They can also stimulate addictive habits.
“Dopamine makes us stupid and slower, which gives the impression that our brain is in oil,” says Mills.
The use of the phone, she says, can increase dopamine and cortisolA hormone released by our adrenal glands, resulting in lower confidence and slow decision.
Mills compare herself to watching your phone before a dining game of the poutine, the strong Canadian delicacy of fries, fatty cheese and brown sauce.
“It’s the same thing you do when you tell your brain negative things, or watch a phone before a game or a practice,” she said. “You destroy your nervous system. … The symptoms of dependence on the phone are almost identical to those of anxiety. »»
Children touch a phone, Mills determined by American, Canadian, British and Australian resources, about 176 times a day.
“I want you to control your phone,” she said. “Do not let the phone control you. The brain, if it zaps 176 times a day, it is from there that we obtain professional exhaustion.”
For at least one hour a day, store your phones and interact with your children: share a meal or take it outside.
“Children have to get bored and go play,” she says. “Our brains are simply not designed to be on technology. They are designed to speak and walk, therefore psychologically, we are in a way of the development of development. »»
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Teaching young athletes: performance of social media “tanks”
Mills prohibited athletes from his care to use their phone two hours before a match or a practice and an hour before bedtime.
How do phones and social media have an impact on performance?
“It tank,” she said.
Within 30 seconds following scrolling, says Mills, our brain can automatically reclassle what we think is a pleasant experience for an experience that is negative.
“Social media make us compare to all the others online,” she says. “It’s an automatic. This is called a defense mechanism. So all of a sudden, we say to ourselves: “I’m not fast enough, I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, my statistics are not good enough. Why does its coil become more like mine? It just starts this spiral emotion for the control for which children do not have traffic jams. »»
She hears athletes who tell her to reduce their phone’s time within two hours a day helps them to train stronger but also help them be more social. The school is also easier.
“Of course, this is the case, because your cognitive treatment moves three times faster than it was last week,” said Mills. “A volleyball coach called me yesterday and said to me:” Larissa, I don’t know what you did, but they are all really aggressive now. “”
“When we increase confidence, attack and fearlessness take over.”
“ I am the power ”: teach athletes to young people
Staying mentally strong becomes more delicate when we are alone on a golf course or sitting in a canoe. What takes us before taking our next stroke or launching our next land can feed our performance.
Use time to plan your attack. Do not forget when you have flowed this same putt into practice. Visualize yourself by pushing an outdoor terrain on the right field for a blow or by driving an intermediary inside the left field space.
You see all your locations throw in the exact locations you want.
“Once they are ready, these children kill this,” says Mills. “The children who are on their phones in the canoe, they will just come back and make a mistake. Their brain will be very, very unstable. »»
We know that even the slightest amount of success can increase children’s confidence. Mulls asks his athletes to create personal mantras that we can repeat to ourselves who raise him: I am power, I am speed, I have an impact.
Ask your young children or your small league team, tell them out loud in practice. With rehearsal, it can become your cognitive flow by playing.
‘No one can put me in my head’
For athletes to occur, they must stop the negative self-discourse. It starts with what they hear from parents on the sidelines.
When we feel negative thoughts that stop – a teammate trying to have an advantage during the tests or an opponent trying to be shaken in a game – we are responsible to repel these thoughts. Be intentional and energetic towards yourself.
“No one can put me in my head,” we can say. “You remain the hell of my head.”
Social media can make negativity, even among NHL players.
“Why are you looking online after your games?” Mulls must sometimes tell him higher level athletes. “You earn $ 10 million a year. Do not compare yourself. And all those idiots who want to be, you judge yourself, and they have no room to judge you. The only person who should look at you for the comments is you and your coach. That’s it. The rest of the world does not matter. »»
But what happens if our parents are the voice of these thoughts? About 60% of children who come to see Mills and its associates say that their parents have a negative impact on their sport.
“I cannot believe the number of parents leading to the touchline and I ruined the experience of their children,” she said. “They can’t hear you, and if they hear you, what you do is sabotage them.
“It makes them play well, because now their brains are in yellow in their traffic light, and they say to themselves:” Oh shit, mom and dad are really worried if I play. “Our instincts to pass the ball, kick the ball, pull the ball, if we follow them (we), we are more likely to perform better than if we think of what a coach or a parent wants us to do.”
When we cry on them, they have closed again. Instead, respect the increases in trust.
“Once the parents hear this conversation, the relationship generally improves between the parent and the child,” explains Mills.
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Control of performance means mastering control of your emotions
Mills specialize in the teenagers who untied and empowered who spent more than 18,000 hours on their phones at the age of 16.
“More children today just can’t be trained because they have the duration of six seconds,” she said. “They don’t know how to follow, they don’t know how to get comments. They think that the criticism and the comments cry. They are not. And coaches have a problem. They cannot use the word D or the word C, which is a discipline or consequences. »»
The adoption of a telephone diet for your child is the first step. Then we must encourage them to converse with others in real time. Ask them to talk to the center and to the attackers, they may not know very well, but align next to the ice. To have Shake the hand of an opponent or a referee and start a conversation.
Ask them to accept constructive criticism from the coach, even if You disagree with the twls.
“There are always weaknesses in the teams,” explains Mills, which leads to volleyball. “Who are you going to go offline, or who are you going to go to the horse pass?” Do not give in to bait it. You must be mentally strong and be able to do and see it all. But many children are bait, and they don’t think about the team. And so, they are called on the penalty. »»
As Mills say, we must be aggressive as anhletes, but we are naturally when we are quieter.
When we control ourselves, we help not only our teammates, but we set personal limits that can transport us throughout life.
Jeff Nelliganfather of three sons and Author of a book on sports parenting who was invited on Mill podcastsaid it may be his most poignant lesson.
“She is like an evangelist by speaking of the development of young people who are firmly following anything,” he says, “those who are courteous and respectful, who are leaders”.
(This story has been updated to add new information.)
Steve Borelli, coach Aka Steve, has been editor-in-chief and writer at USA Today since 1999. He spent 10 years training the baseball and basketball teams of his two sons. He and his wife, Colleen, are now sports parents for two high school students. His column is displayed every week. For its past columns, click here.
Do you have a question for coach Steve, do you want to answer in a column? Send him an email to sborelli@usatuday.com