My first meeting with a woman was a second chance. She asked me to go out during my last year of college when I was still partially in the closet. I panicked and it took me a year to work on the nerve to put it again on this subject.
We met in a cidery in Durham, in North Carolina, in a city we are experiencing. On the way, I exploded “First date” by Blink-182. The distinct nasal groan of Tom Delonge was the only thing I could think that would capture what I felt, a mixture of curiosity and desire that I had pushed down throughout my life.
The date lasted two days and lasted several cities in North Carolina. I left my phone halfway from Uber. About a week later, Covid-19 would close the United States. We continued to see ourselves, looking at “Tiger King” on Netflix and by ordering to take away. After about a month, things moved away. We remain in contact from time to time.
I continued to take dates with men for three more years, even if I was not looking for them. I think I was trying to prove to myself that I was bisexual. Heterosexuality looked like something that was supposed to happen to me rather than something I actively liked.
In the meantime, I found myself going out with the kind of men on the left that we date in their twenties. They talked about politics in the abstract as things to debate rather than the real experiences of others. I was someone with whom they could share their hot catches.
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In 2023, I changed my dating applications to exclude men and I didn’t look back. As Valentine’s Day approaches, many of us will not be able to escape what it is to go out in modern American politics. This is my experience.
Realizing that I am queer was a large part of my life of meetings
I am queer. This is how I would describe myself if someone asked. This affects everything about me, including the way I see politics.
For many people in the LGBTQ +community, being gay is inextricably linked to their political identity. It is not really by choice – when your whole existence has been stigmatized or downright denied by the right and tolerated by the left for years, you do not have the possibility of being conservative or even apolitical.
Notice:Republicans care more about attacking 1% of Americans than helping one of us
The use of the word “queer” itself is intrinsically political, a restoration of what was once used only as an insult – and, sometimes, in my reception box, is always. It is still a word with which some people in the LGBTQ + community are uncomfortable.
For me, it is the most authentic for whom I am. I prefer the fluidity of the word “queer” in terms of sexuality and sex. “Lesbian” also feels as an appropriate descriptor despite my meeting story.
I cannot avoid dating policy
However, meetings have not become magically easier once I got out. It just meant that I finally went out with people who attracted me.
Generation Z, born between 1997 and 2012is considered the most lonely generation in America, with 73% of 18 to 22 years report that they sometimes felt or always alone.
This is reflected in our information on meetings and marriage: the number of married people recently increased to 51%, According to the Pew Research CenterAfter a decrease of 20 years.
In some respects, this is also reflected in my own meetings. Since he moved to New York, I have challenged myself to get out more to make friends or find someone special. For this reason, I also spend a lot of time on applications such as Tinder and Hinge.
Notice:The Republicans leave after marriage. LGBTQ + people as I have tried to warn you.
Thanks to meeting applications, I had a handful of dates in the past year. Although none of them took place, they all taught me something.
On a date, we took each other (they lent me “Nevada” by Imogen BinnieAnd I lent them “Gender queer” by Maia Kobabe). After going to a show with someone else, I discovered that I did not like the comedy standing. My hobbies, my interests, my past and how I see the world presenting themselves to attendance. In turn, I like to learn the same things about another person.
I also tried to meet people, friends and lovers, which generally means spending time in queer spaces. There is 48 LGBTQ + bars in New York. I went to two in last week. I found that most people stick to themselves. When you are alone, people will hinder a conversation with you, but it is generally not flirting.
Politics will appear by passing, just by the nature of my work. Most of the people I meet have the same policy as me. I don’t mind. I am sure there are LGBTQ + people in these spaces with whom I do not agree, but I did not meet them.
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Sometimes I’m going to get a phone number or an Instagram username while I got out, but it’s never a priority. I find it more fun to exist without waiting to meet someone. I don’t feel alone, I feel free.
Dating has become easier for me. Now I hope to find my future.
I hope to find myself one day with a long -term love. As more friends have found their life partners, I started looking at their relationships as examples. Those I admire the most are the relationships where politics is at the forefront, even if it looks more and more like us, queer people, we have no say in the matter.
I want to be with someone I can communicate with, someone comfortable with my frank nature. I want someone to watch movies and television shows with it. I want someone I can imagine to spend the rest of my life. For me, it means to be with someone who aligns with my political values.
For those of my generation, I encourage you to treat meetings or meet people like a muscle: you have to speed up. The only way to fight solitude is to find your community, no matter what it looks like. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
I will eventually meet the right person. I have to continue the dates and look for this person. All I know is that I am much happier now than I was going out with guys.
Follow the columnist USA Today Sara Pequeño on X, formerly Twitter: @sara__pequeno